Aftermath: Three Voices
by S J Smith
Summary: Three people, and their thoughts, circa first season AtS. Spoilers "IWRY"; "Hero"


AFTERMATH: Three Voices  
  
S J Smith  
  
Disclaimer: Joss never writes, he never calls. I'm thinking the relationship is over. But until he asks, I'm gonna use his toys in a strictly, not for profit sort of way.  
  
Rating: G  
  
Thanks to Liss for supplying the lyrics.  
  
Spoilers: "I Will Remember You", "Hero".  
  
* * *  
  
Angel  
  
She's gone.  
  
I look up and she's walked out of my office, leaving a void the size of a black hole. It's as if everything follows her, all the color, the light; everything and I catch myself on the edge of the desk to keep from falling.  
  
There is no sound in her absence. The clock that had ticked away the seconds before the Mohra crashed through the window was silenced. All is still in her absence, even me. My heart, which had been beating less than five minutes ago, is dead inside of me again. She's gone and everything I've ever dreamed of, desired, went with her.  
  
God, I gave her up. I still feel her. She's everywhere around me, in the echo in the office I hear her voice. I can taste her kisses; her tears. I feel her head against my chest and can catch the scent of her as if it were imprinted on me. I can't do this. I can't let her go. I can't give up our happiness with both hands.  
  
But I have to. I can't let her die, trying to keep me safe. I can't be a liability to her. I have to be stronger than that.  
  
I want so much to go after, to catch her, to explain. But I can't. How could I tell her I'd given away my humanity? Even to save her life, she'd say the price was to high. She'd want to go to the Oracles and reverse my reversal. It wouldn't matter to her that she would die if I became human - only that she'd have a chance to be with me.  
  
She can never know.  
  
And I have to do what she told me to do.  
  
Somehow, I have to forget.  
  
* * *  
  
Cordelia  
  
God, I hate this.  
  
I totally hate this.  
  
I mean, little miss Slayer shows up in L.A. for a surprise visit and just look at him.  
  
He totally ruined Thanksgiving. Of course, I'm blaming that on her, too, not him. Still. He could've made an effort. It was our first Thanksgiving together, right? But no, he's been grumpier and moodier than normal. Even Doyle noticed and that's, well, I didn't think he noticed much of anything, really.  
  
He's been sitting in his office, staring at this stupid broken clock for the past three days. I figure Buffy must've thrown it at his head before she left or something and it's must've been the last thing she touched, the way he's holding on to it.  
  
It's not like I don't get it. I do. The whole star-crossed stupidity of it all. I lived through it in Sunnydale. They were always moping around after each other. I just didn't think I'd have to relive it here in L.A. This was supposed to be my bright shiny new life and just one little visit from Hurricane Buffy and everything's back to high school. How am I supposed to clean up the mess she left behind? Doesn't she even have a clue how much she effects him and when he's being Mr. Brood, it screws me up? You'd think she'd have some consideration.  
  
I didn't know what I was going to do until I was asking Xander for her telephone number. I can't believe he actually gave it to me but he thought it had to stop, too. So I called her. Or her dorm.  
  
So now I'm waiting for someone to take the message to her room - do these people hurry at all? Do they have any idea how much of Angel's money I'm spending on this call?  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"It's about time."  
  
"Cordelia? Please don't say this is a social call."  
  
"It isn't. I just want to tell you that this has to stop."  
  
"What are you talking about?" she asks snippily.  
  
I stab my finger in the air, imagining her chest in front of my freshly manicured nail. "Like you don't know. What the hell did you do to him while you were here? Do you have any idea what he's like now?"  
  
She starts to interrupt me. I expected her to be that rude and I keep talking anyway. "Whatever. You go tell the world he's breaking your heart. I don't care. Just keep it in Sunnyhell. It ends and it ends right now because I don't ever want to have to see him like this again."  
  
Her voice is so soft I barely hear it over the sound of my heartbeat. "H- how is he?"  
  
"You," I say firmly, not backing down, "don't get to ask that question. Not anymore. And you don't get to come to L.A. and wreck our lives. You aren't the center of his world anymore. He's got friends here, people who really care for him. He's got a new life and he doesn't need you coming here to mess it up."  
  
I hear her breath catch and I roll my eyes. Some things never change. "If you really love him," I repeat myself, making sure she understands just how much I mean it, "really, like you say you do, you'll never ever come here again. It's just not good for him or for us. So I want you to promise me, completely, totally, never to come near him again. Do you promise?"  
  
She makes some choking, croaking sound. I say, "I'll take that as a 'yes'." Hanging up the phone, I stare at the receiver.  
  
"Liar," I say to her.  
  
* * *  
  
Doyle  
  
I can't believe it. I really can't believe it. I mean, I knew Angel was all about sacrifice but to give this much away when it fell into his lap like, well, like a great big heapin' helpin' of something good, I can't believe he'd even do it.  
  
Sure, he gave some song and dance about how she was gonna die if he stayed human. He says "sooner" and gives me those wounded puppy eyes he gets whenever he starts thinking about her. I managed to say it was all for the best or something like that, I don't remember. 'Cause I'm still too stunned that he had a whole day, twenty-four hours, swallowed up after havin' what he's dreamed about for, well, since he first laid eyes on that girl.  
  
All I can think, besides he's a bleedin' idiot, is he's thinking with his heart and not with his head. After all, the girl's a Slayer. Life expectancy ain't all that great with that lot. Most likely, the girl's got another six years, tops. That "sooner" is about as subjective as they come, now, innit it? Why not grab that happiness while you have a chance?  
  
But Angel ain't about happiness, now is he. He's about pain and suffering and atoning for sins that aren't even really his. An' he doesn't even drink to forget 'em, just keeps broodin' and attractin' all the women in the world 'cause of that sorrowful look in his eyes.  
  
But he doesn't see 'em, now, does he. Just that one little girl, in all the world, an' the happiness he let go like a kite string.  
  
Me, I don't see how he could do it. Yeah, he's the hero, right? He gave up his life, his human life, to make sure his girl had a chance to live. It's not something I could do, no way.  
  
What? Yeah, I've got money. Hit me again, Barney. It's gonna be a long night.  
  
* * *  
  
Angel  
  
"Hello? Is this Harry?  
  
"Yes, it was hard to find you. I'm calling because....  
  
"Yes, I'm calling because of Doyle. I thought you should know.  
  
"No, he isn't in the hospital. I'm not sure how to say this, Harry. Doyle's gone.  
  
"It isn't gambling debts, Harry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. But it's been rough here the past couple of days.  
  
"Doyle, he...sacrificed himself.  
  
"Harry? I thought you might want to know. There were some demons, they called themselves the Scourge.  
  
"You've heard of them? Then you know that they want to destroy all demon half-breeds. Yeah. They were after some here in L.A. We were trying to protect them but....  
  
"I'm sorry. Doyle, he...I was supposed to stop them, keep them from killing the half-breeds. Doyle hit me. He knocked me off the platform and he made the jump himself. They had this beacon-thing...it would destroy all the half-blooded demons. Doyle stopped it. He pulled the cables and...he was a hero, Harry. He is a hero.  
  
"I just thought you should know."  
  
She's crying as she says her thank yous and I replace the receiver in its cradle. Cordy wouldn't be coming in today, I told her not to. She's in worse shape than I am. She said she didn't know what it was like to lose someone like that. Then she hit me and said I should've never given up being human. "You had a chance at real happiness, Angel. You gave it up. You idiot."  
  
I thought nothing would hurt as much as losing Buffy. Doyle's death, on top of that, I've barely even been able to think on one, put it in its proper place and then to have the other crash down around me...I can't face it. I'm just not that strong.  
  
Tomorrow, I'm going to the Oracles. I'm going to ask for Doyle's life back. I can't let Doyle die, any more than I could Buffy. He deserves to live, too.  
  
For Cordy.  
  
For me.  
  
* * * 


End file.
